


You Are Not Your Father

by angel_in_a_big_blue_box



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Late Night Conversations, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-20
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:55:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22822924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angel_in_a_big_blue_box/pseuds/angel_in_a_big_blue_box
Summary: After the events of Into Darkness, Jim can't help but feel guilty. Bones doesn't agree.
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Leonard "Bones" McCoy
Comments: 4
Kudos: 29





	You Are Not Your Father

Jim lay curled into the bed, trying to tamp down the sobs that wrenched themselves unceasingly from between his lips, as he tore angrily at every available patch of skin.

“Jim? Darlin’? What’s goin’ on?” Leonard cracked the door open, peering through the darkness to find his boyfriend, who had shed his normally vibrant yellow uniform for the black pants and undershirt making it difficult, at first, for Leonard to find him. The lights had been turned completely off and Jim had used his command override code to keep them off.

“N-,” Jim cleared his throat. “Nothing, Bones. I’m….I’m fine.” He sniffled, trying to keep quiet. “Liar.” Leonard muttered, slipping in and closing the door quietly. Padding over to where Jim lay, he pushed gently on his shoulder, “Scoot over, darlin’,” he whispered as he curled up facing Jim, who in turn curled further into himself, digging his nails into his arm, leaving angry red and purple welts. Leonard shot his hand out and grabbed hold of Jim’s wrist. “Fine doesn’t try to claw its arm off.” Jim sniffled, louder this time, and weakly tried to draw back from his Bones. 

Len crowded closer to his darlin’, the most stubborn pain-in-the-ass he’d ever met, latching onto his chin and forcing him to make eye contact. Bones sighed as he looked at his boyfriend’s face; he was pale and the whites of his eyes were bright red, tear tracks staining his face and running down his neck. Leonard pressed his forehead to Jim’s, shifting his hand to the back of the younger man’s head and rubbing his thumb in slow circles. “Jim, Darlin’, what’s the matter?” Jim moved his lips softly against Leonard’s forehead. “Jim, I didn’t catch that.” Jim cleared his throat again and made another attempt to regain control of his hand. “I said….I said I’m just like him.” “Who, Jim?” “HIM, dammit!!! My father! My goddamn father. George fuckin’ Kirk. Fuckin’ hero. I left! I fuckin’ left. I left everyone I love to deal with the shit storm.-Jim hit the pillow with his free hand as each word spilled angrily from between his lips- I. am. just. like. him.” 

Leonard’s heart clenched painfully as he held his boyfriend’s shattering pieces. “Darlin’. Darlin’. Hey, Hey, Jim. No. Hell No. You’re not your father. You are not him. You came back. You came back to me…to all of us. You. Came. Back” Jim’s sob turned into an ugly bark of laughter. “Yeah. And if it hadn’t worked? If Khan’s magic blood hadn’t brought me back? I would’ve been him. Don’t you get it, Bones? I am my father’s son.” Jim laughed bitterly, biting his lip hard enough to draw blood. “Hey. Hey, look at me, you blond prick.” Jim’s eyes widened as he stared at his Bones. “You came back. It doesn’t matter what if. You came back. That’s all there is to it. You saw Spock and Uhura yesterday. Tried to have a conversation with Scotty, not that you could hear a damn thing over all that machinery he’s usin’ to repair your silver lady. You are back. You are back. You are back. We’re takin’ Sulu and Chekov to that burger place you like sometime tomorrow, despite the fact that it’s basically a heart attack on a plate. You are here and you are taking care of everyone you love in the best way you know how. That’s all anyone can ask of you anyways. It makes no sense to tear yourself apart because of what George fuckin’ Kirk did. You understand me, Jim Kirk? 

Jim’s eyes shone, a watery, iridescent blue, and he took a shaky breath before pressing his nose into the crook of Leonard’s neck. “I just…I wish….I mean…I want….I want to be good enough.” “Good enough for what, Jim? You’re the best captain Starfleet’s ever had! Better than him.” “Good enough to deserve you, Bones,” he murmured into Bones’ neck. Leonard couldn’t conceal a ragged gasp that hissed from between his lips and he moved his head back to look, once again, at the person he had defied death itself for. “Jim, who in hell told you that you didn’t deserve me?” Jim pressed his face into the arm Leonard was still cradling his head with. “I left,” he whispered, body shaking, “Of course I don’t deserve you. But I want to.” “Jim Kirk, you really are a damn dumb blond. You don’t get to decide who deserves me and who doesn’t. Only I do. And guess what, kid? You’re it. You are so it for me. Have been since you helped me out of that stupid shuttle even though I wrecked your shoes. There’s no one else and there never will be. So get used to it, kid. Cause you’re stuck with me.” Jim slowly turned his head to peer suspiciously at Bones. “You mean it?” “Course I do, infant. Otherwise I would’ve kept my mouth shut….unlike some people whose names I won’t mention.” Bones winked at Jim, whose face had split into the biggest grin that Bones had ever seen, making his chest constrict. “There he is. My bright star.”


End file.
